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dead things in jars - 2010​-​2013

by hann cassady

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1.
your dirty t-shirts lines my bedroom floor and everything else is accounted for you wake up so slowly with stale cigarette on your breath no one told you to go, no not yet i'm not trying to separate myself from this state i'm not losing my head no not yet your leather jacket it still smells like me from when you let me borrow it in january i know sometimes i act like a piece of shit but i hope it's alright and that you see past it i'm not facing my demons they're a force to be reckoned with and i can't choose a side i'm not blowing off steam you treat me like a queen and i don't deserve it
2.
you think you're so clever with the way that you dress your brown corduroy jacket and your hair in a mess i never asked you where you bought it i just assumed your grandmother's closet you think you're so clever that you say you can't old punk music or new wave well, i will make you a CD i don't know one goddamn hipster who hates the pixies whoa, hey tell me now, what felt better? fucking me or fucking me over? you think you're clever with the way that you talk you throw out "swag" like it's your job well i don't think you are who you think you are you don't own ferraris or minibars you think you're so clever with the way that you ended my teenage heart and extended my disapproval of you and any 18 year old who could grow a beard like you whoa, hey what felt better? fucking me or fucking me over? you think you're so clever, you think you're so smart you think with the way that you dress your brown corduroy jacket and your hair in a mess well, i should have burned it all when i had the chance would have lit faster than a hint of your romance whoa, hey what felt better, fucking me or fucking me over? whoa, hey what felt better, fucking me or fucking me over?
3.
a while ago i was constructing a kingdom on soil that wouldn't last a while ago i was wearing a crown and robe that i grew out of too fast as they say, adventure awaits and we shouldn't dwell on the past there are no wrong answers just questions that we shouldn't ask have you ever been so lost without any intention of being found? have you ever come across a road you haven't been down? have you ever made a bet without being entirely sure? do you nurture your knack for adventure? a while ago i was standing at the threshold of bravery and there all around me stood up to me and there are two sides of this story: there's now and there's then and we can't change who we are we can only forgive who we've been have you ever been so lost without any intention of being found? have you ever come across a road you haven't yet been down? have you ever made a bet without being entirely sure? do you nurture your knack for adventure? do you nurture your knack for adventure? have you ever been so alone surrounded by people you thought you know? have you ever severed a heart you thought was made of stone? have you ever felt it in your bones, that need to explore? do you nurture your knack for adventure? do you nurture your knack for adventure?
4.
the night sky reflecting in your eyes waking up to the same dream every night drinking wine with Jenny makes me miss you i get lightheaded the same way when i see you you keep dead things in jars preserving wings you've torn apart you hold half of my heart in yours you don't like the way i treat myself like i am a sketch to be drawn out you permeate with colors to bring out the best in me you keep parts of me in your room fleshing me out to fit your mood you hold half of me in you you keep dead things in jars preserving wings you've torn apart you hold half of my heart
5.
chasing rubber boats down the stream i pull you closer to me as i follow you around the bend become a more of a ghost and less of a friend to you and i'm okay with that cuz i get to spend all my time with you and i don't have to act like anybody else but sad, lonely me we're wrapped up in blankets the warmth encircling us and our naked bodies and i'm sheltered from most everything that i know is trying to haunt me i don't want to be the one to shed the light from the sun but i know it can't warm us forever yeah i know it will eventually burn out we'll stay young while we still can and i'll stay yours while i still can
6.
you got a cool haircut i wanna mess it up you got a cool pair of sneakers i wanna tie them up you got a cool tattoo i wanna trace it with eyeliner or my pen you got a cool way of speaking to me like i'm the only thing that's ever been but i'm tired, i'm tired, i'm tired, i'm tired of trying to call when i know you won't answer at all and i'm tired, i'm tired, i'm tired, i'm tired of being alone when i know you're home, oh you got a cool band you sing about things i don't understand you got a cool hairdo, oh i think i may have already mentioned that but i'm tired, i'm tired, i'm tired, i'm tired of trying to call when i know you won't answer at all and i'm tired, i'm tired, i'm tired, i'm tired of being alone when i know you're home, oh you said i wear you like the heart on my sleeve of my favorite hoodie
7.
new year 06:02
i'm not saying i'm a manic but it's driving me mad trying to figure out how i got so fucking sad i compensate for it by writing these stupid songs instead of going to parties but maybe i've finally come to term that people scare the shit out of me i don't want to dig my shallow grave alone but i don't trust anybody else to help bury my bones so this is the new year and i don't feel any different i'm an apathetic mess i'll rip my own heart and leave it on your doorstep i've got no reason to act like this so this is the new year and i've got no resolutions at least none that i'll fill in the next twelve months or whatever this year i want to be someone this year unlike before i want to be someone for once
8.
and you've got holes now in your sneakers from walking miles to my house and you've got holes now in your sneakers but you are going to patch them up and all the sad boys need a sad girl i know it's hard to admit because you don't want me anymore and all the sad girls need a sad boy and i still need you and you called me to come over and you tear out my guts and the worst part is that's the most you've touched me in months and all the sad boys need a sad girl i know it's hard to admit because you don't want me anymore and all the sad girls need a sad boy and i still need you
9.
10.
for that which we drown our emotions and we bury underground for that which we sing of in churches and fill these halls with sound for that which we know the consequence but we refuse to hear it out for that we adhere to accidents in the purest form we've found you find yourself in a daydream and you won't wake up from it you find yourself in a movie but you didn't write the script for that which we are afraid to admit to the ones we want for that which we hide out in emptiness though we're all filled with the flood oh for that we'd give our arms and legs just for one touch for that we'd do most anything and fear it's never enough you find yourself in a movie but you didn't write the script you find yourself in a daydream but you can't wake up from it for that is love
11.
12.
soldier on, my friends we've got a long way ahead better now, my friends than it ever was then my heart's been replaced with a black hole whoa, oh my mind's been erased what did i know? whoa, oh as they say, we are giants in our own way and as they say, adventure awaits don't grow up just grow older

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demos and songs from years past
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released January 1, 2022

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hann cassady Providence, Rhode Island

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inspired by throwing your hands in the air on a broken down roller coaster

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